Are you looking at the same sky right now?

Words that ringing within us. Words that hurt the most. Words that make our day. Words that you just said. How funny it seems that we both travelled so far only to be broken apart yet again. Wont you cry thru the phone as I comfort your voice and tell you you’re not alone. I missed my chance to tell you everything I ever wanted to say and you just left. People come people go. But when you went, it seems somewhat hurtful. Is it me? Yeah. It has to be me. Words yet left unsaid. Is regret the only thing that remains? Maybe yes maybe no. Some words are just better left unsaid. Some are just stupid thoughts that are not worth pondering let alone mentioning. Where are you when I need you? When I look up and see the stars I seem to be thinking of you again. Are you looking at the same sky right now?

mahai

SOHAI..... one word that tingles in my mind when i think about the way u present yourself. You should just die early. really..... I told myself. What the fuck are you doing here so many times... You wanna be one that stands out, and now you really do, as an asshole. How can i keep myself calm under these circumstances. Why do ppl even try to challenge my patience? How many more stupid misrepresentations can u make? I swear upon my life that one more word from you and you'll c chairs flying higher than how i threw it at you just now. Fuckyou. Fuck off

First In Still Here

One day , people will die and fade away.
One day , we will have to part with those we cherish.
Why bother in loving one when we know the effort is all in vain?
Why bother caring for one when God toys us as the mortals we are?
We have yet to understand the things that God decided
We just needed each other. A feeble desire
Loving one. What does it truly mean?
Does it mean a desire for someone to the extent that defies all known knowledge?
Does it mean a craving for touch and haptic sensuality?
Trying our best to obtaining warmth from each other?
No.
It's more than that. It's mare than just mortal wants
Love to me is more like a feeling for being accepted of who i am?
U accepted who i am. U gave me sudden reason in this messed up life.
U gave me a place to belong. Though temporarily yet beautiful as it always had been
Love.....
I long forgotten that feeling that runs through my blood.
I long forgotten the things that I really treasure the most.
I long forgotten you. The one i love....

Wish Upon A Star

I once was a naïve fool. I once asked for nothing but a living. And then vengeance took over me. I hate him. I hate my family. I hate my life. Everything about me was wrong. I made the biggest mistake ever. Right as of now, I thought I got over this matter. I thought all that I have been fighting for was meaningless. All but an illusion. But I couldn’t . I never gotten over the matter. History makes its final attempt to repeat itself. Sometimes I wonder to myself. Where did I do wrong? Why couldn’t I be more open? Why do I need to suffer bcoz of tiny mistakes? I ponder upon the answer while I look back onto the past. I think of you and him embracing love as it is. I sigh with a cup of beer in my hands. I cry with scent of alcohol in my sleep. I wished upon a star. Let me forget the days we had. Let me stop thinking about the days we could have. Let me forget about everything. It’s for the best. Please let me rest. Why am I so stresssssssssssssssss? What does it take to escape you? Is death the only way of escaping? I do not know. Happy birthday and goodbye

Turn Off

everyone comes with baggage.
be it one as light as a pouch,
or deluxe doubles as heavy and complicated as malaysian politics.

i don't know how did u figure out that i get alot of stories from alot of ppl, but your story, to be honest, was one of the most complicated.
and one of the most unsolvable.

consider it the past, because it really is.

coming to college is a chance for a do over. an opportunity to start anew.
im not saying you should forget the past, but you can use it to your benefit.
it is not something that brings you down, it is what empowers your decision making in the future.

quoting from a friend of mine,
''People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories; diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere & though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers.''

but yet, the scars remind you that u should live better.
life, is all about choices.

sincerely,
the one that likes sitting onn the table.


thank you. this is the only usable advice i had so far
thank you

When my life caves in

The world is such fragile being. Humans are such feeble entities. We, living as one, cannot deny the fact that we were once naive enough to think that everything would be alright. Only through true despair may one truly understand the pain of living, the pain of having acquaintances leaving. The way you left me as my eyes were wet that night. I watched your back disappear into the horizon. The black-tar pavements pierce my feet. Your cold feelings pierce my heart. The way you took and they way i took. The person you chose and the person i chose. We...... no. I..... made the mistake of a lifetime. The downfall in my life. The pain that keeps my awake. The screams that remind me of the past. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE.... hatred devours my very conscience. the end.

June 28

today... was a real sad day.. i finished toradora! but that made it even sad. fuck it. another tear jerker. though i'm the only one who would cry over these trivial anime. Triangular Love drama. To c all of this while my dearest Cpu broke down. Relying on Laptop. Anyway.

The story of toradora goes like this. Guy A and Guy B are frenz. Girl A and Girl B are frenz. Girl A likes Guy B and Guy A likes Girl B. Girl A and Guy B know that they like each others frenz. So they promised not to reveal each others true intentions but at the same time helping each other to confess to the one they love. As time pass by, Girl A found out that Guy B already has someone he loves very much. Devastated by the fact, she fell into despair. but Guy A nvr gave up on Girl A and encouraged her to keep trying. That was when Girl A knew that all this while, the one who helped and supported her all the while wasnt Guy B, but Guy A. At this moment Girl A accidentally fell in love with Guy A but the story doesnt end there. Girl A is aware that Guy A loves Girl B very much. She keeps on smiling and supporting Guy A as he did for her, but it rily hurt her. Girl B found out Girl A's true feelings. and... when Guy A mustered all the courage to confess to Girl B, Girl B rejected Guy A . Girl B really loved Guy A too but she knew she couldnt just sacrifice her fren for love. Girl B gave up on love. she was afraid of getting hurt or hurting Girl A. Guy A was broken hearted after the rejection. Girl A got into a fight with Girl B, telling Girl B to be true to her feelings. Girl B gave a straight up reply:" but you're lying to yourself too, aren't you?" Girl A shouted:" YES!!! I'M THE BIGGEST LIAR!!! I'VE STAYING BY HIS SIDE ALL THIS TIME!!! SAYING 'go get her' TO HIM EVRYTIME BUT GETTING MYSELF HURT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I..I.. i love him.. . I LOVE HIM TOO!!!!" Guy A arrived at the moment, hearing evrything. Girl A ran ... and ran.. and ran.. Girl B pass by Guy A saying:" This is why i cannot accept your feelings. it's coz someone else loves you more than i could ever love you." Guy A shed a tear.... and started to chase after Girl A. Not knowing the pain Girl A has gone thru. Girl A slipped and fell into a shallow river. Guy A went down the river and tried to help her up but ended up slipping as well.. They laughed at each other and confessed to each other as well.. Kissing in the river as the sun sets. The end.

If i watched this anime as it was aired in 2008, i would have nvr understood its true meaning. The meaning of sacrificing. The meaning of love. I'm glad i'm watching it now.

my past

this life. i curse it. this personality. i condemn it. this past. i fight it. and i lose. i nvr win. so what do you want of me now? tell me something in which i can compensate logically and non-fanatic. tell me something which i can really do. actually. you need not answer this question. for i know. the answer is suffer. there is nothing i can do to make up for you. just go ahead and mock me all you want. i deserve it. heck!!! if you wont do it, i'd feel much worse. anniversary of me being a pervert. if only it were true. im a full timer. i dun have this lycanthropy once a year you know. well.. not trying to argue since i rily deserve all the shit im currently facing. anyway good news for you anti-eugene poh's out there. my college life sucks. and you know what that means. YES. my life in college is far worse than what i experience in CHS. i sit alone, eat alone, and mostly study alone. wasting my life as a nerd. if you think this isnt punishment enough then..... hmm... then screw you lar =D

DotA

When i was free, i would sleep and study. Now I'm free, i would dotA, snooker, drink beer, work out. I heard about an old fren y'day. i guess i would nvr surpass him in any terms. its alright.. I'm happy the way I am. The tide has resided already. I dont wanna think anymore about it. 2day's sports day.... and i have class later. but mayb its for the best. I dowan look at her in rumah shirt. it rily turned me on. == haih.. accounting.... A road i choose and swore to nvr regret. and he. not studyin. the other he in a foreign land striving to be more successful. i feel minor but happy... or is this just the calm b4 the storm. right as of now i can do nothing but relax in studies and dota. XD thank you yiwei, yuanbin, linfoong and ben

Bus Stop

I never tot that i'd walk that orange brick road ever again. It was so nostalgic. I'd rmbr the 1st time i walked upon it was.. with you. Now... look at us. Disgusted with each other. I'm left alone, you have someone you truly desire. I have the broken, you are healed whole. I feed on hatred. You'd live every single day of your life happy. I .... wanna cry. On the other hand, I'm slowly healed by ppl that stil not know that bad part about me. Mayb this hope is what i've been waiting for. but the fear of trusting ppl is alwiz present within me. Should i go? or should i stay? I just wanna walk upon that orange brick road once again

Pain

maybe i'd wanted to be there for you. but i couldnt... I cant. i cant forget that pain of losing. again and again. it's excruciating pain.... u oso felt that too. you moved on. but i couldnt. she was evrything to me. unlike me, you have frenz and a family that loves you more than anythin. But me.... i like a guy on a debt that can never be repaid. But at least u have someone for you la.... although. i dno whether he can do the job right... or to be exact.. i dno whether you allowed the relationship to continue considering her situation. but i know one thing..... i ... actually cared for you.. you may notice it .. you may not... but one things for sure.. i had feelings.. but just that.... im not in the mood for this drama. Finally things quiet down. I hate it but i need it... time to chill...... I'm sorry. I admit. I had feelings for you. Goodbye..... Goodluck and sorry. nights

Birthday analysis

My results: Passionate, Stubborn & Resourceful

Beneath a controlled, cool exterior beats your heart.
Passionate, penetrating, and determined, you will probe until you reach the truth.
You may not speak volumes or show emotions readily
Yet rest assured there's an enormous amount of activity happening beneath the surface.
An excellent leader, you’re always aware.
When it comes to resourcefulness, you come out ahead.

Favorable Colors: Dark Reds, black
Key Body Part: Reproductive
Lucky Gem: Opal
Strengths: Passionate, stubborn, resourceful, brave, a true friend.
Weaknesses: Jealous, distrusting, secretive, violent, caustic.
Charismatic marks: An intense look in the eyes, muscular.
Likes: Truth, facts, being right, teasing, longtime friends, a grand passion, a worthy adversary.
Dislikes: Dishonesty, passive people, revealing secrets.
Best environment: Dark, sensuous places, any situation that offers power or rouses strong feelings.

i love u

Asura Cryin' is very disappointing. Season 1 is not dramatic enuf. Season 2 is far right lame. not the type of drama i'm into. evrythin is happening so fast... Cramming everything into 13 episodes is a bit overboard. Enough of pretending to be happy.

You look very cute. I'm dead serious. I alwiz tot so. And i never changed mine towards you. You're an angel that stop momentarily into my hands. A love that wouldnt stay. mayb.. we started off to early. I rily loved you. I wish we would go back to square one. I .......love you

I dont feel like doing anything. I feel like im going all these hardships for nothing.
To you people who think what i've been going thru is just another simple and small matter.
But..... try getting yourself hurt over and over again. Having your love ones leave you.
Not just one. But mostly all.... over and over again. It really hurts. and it accumulates to be a ball of HATRED.
How could one be so heartless? It's so amusing that i alwiz fall for girls like you. but now what i see is this...

I could even save the one i loved the most. I let her die right in front of me

Simply write one

Should the time turn back... bla bla bla... BORING!!!!
All of us started from here. We were destined.
We cannot change what we were. But we should change what we are.
Frowning. Thinking hard... Replay? Not required.
Moving on? That's overrated. I'll stay right here waiting.
Who says that there are only two roads.
Even if there is , who says i need to choose?
Who says that walking is the only way?
I dont care what they say..... I wanna linger upon these feelings.
I love you... But i hate you for making me love you

You know nothing

Putting effort into something yet you never get the same return.
Then you begin to fret and strut and not know what to do.
You blame others but ppl ask you to reflect upon your ownself.
That's when you get confused and lost in the dark.
That's what i feel
I reach out but no one will be there to catch me.
I stopped cryin, just wanted you to look at me.
But you wouldn't.
Attention seeker? Yes. I am. Whats wrong in that.
Ppl in this world live to be acknowledged by ppl - To be accepted.
Do you know what it feels like to be treated like a social outcast?
Ppl looking at you as if you killed someone precious to them.
What do you know about broken families?
What do you know about shattered hopes?
What do you know about losing ppl you treasure, over and over again?

You know nothing, I tot i needed pity. You need it more for you are a fool to not know the degree of evil this world can inflict on feeble human hearts

Go Away

Why won't this feelings fade away?
I wanna stop the pain
But God just put you in front of me every time
It's Raining. Heavily.
Are my thoughts being delivered to you
My sense of pain that transgressed the fires of Hell
My love that will never be answered
My scars that would remain forever
My crooked mind which thinks of nothing but forgetting
My hands that are weary from punching against walls
My legs tired from running away
My eyes swollen red from crying
My cheeks water wet from the tears I flow
My ears addicted to emo songs
And why?
because what's the use of 9A's when you are not by my side to share the happiness
What's the use of a happy ending where people cry
What's the point of smiling in tears
What's the point in a Love that will never bear fruit
What's the point of an existence that people despise
I drink no more. But i might smoke....
I will change. be it bad or good. I will change.
But this time.... the tides will turn.
You will one day feel what i feel. Let the power of hatred engulf you

Secara Konklusinya

What should i feel now? Relieved? Sad? Pissed? The real answer is . nothing. Let the flow of time reveal the secrets of the future. Everything is determined. There is no point. All i can say is. Congrats. I knew it from the start. Who would love a beast like me? You two were made for each other. I was just another obstacle in your journey of life. I will walk a separate path from you now. Away from you. Stop it already. The more you insult me. The more you hurt me. I get it now. You hate me. So.... Leave me alone to sulk about it. This is the last time you'll ever c me....

Crawl "n" Ice Box

Crawl by Chris Brown

Everybody sees it's you
I'm the one that lost the view
Everybody says we're through
I hope you havn't said it too

So where do we go from here
With all this fear in our eyes
And where can love take us now
And we've been so far down
We can still touch the sky

If we crawl
'till we can walk again
And we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
And we'll fly
Until there is no end

So let's crawl...crawl....crawl. Back to love

Yeah
Back to love
Yeah

Why did I change the pace
Hearts were never meant to race
Always felt the need for space
And now I can't reach your face

So where are you standing now
Are you in the crowd of my voice
Love can't you see my hand
Lend me one more chance
We can still have it all

Everybody sees it's you
Well I never wanna lose that view


Ice Box by Omarion

Fussin' an? fightin', we back at it again
I know that it's my fault but you don't understand
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain't nothin' like the girl I used to know

Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my friends
I should try to decide, wanna let you in
That means memories and it's crazy
You ain't nothin' like the girl I used to know

Girl, I really wanna work this out 'cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said, I really wanna work this out, yo girl, I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse

But I got this ice box where my heart used to be. I'm so cold

Why can't I get it right? Just can't let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothin' like the girl I used to know

Don't mean to take it out on you, baby, but I can't help it
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it
And I, I apologize for makin' you cry
Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same

I don't wanna be stuck up in this cold, cold world
Don't wanna mess this up, better keep your eye on me, girl

In the end it was you

Why did you have to reply? It was around this time. We met. We started something. Our link began. Strangers to each other. But we now know that was then. This is now. There's no use looking back. My heart was torn apart.

6:32pm xxxxxxxx ﺕ
hm?i dont rmbr . :/

Happy CNY
bye

Those words were short and it rily hurt. It's now 1am and i am trying to forget about you. I cant slp. I dont think i will. I cant eat. The taste is all gone. I dun like it when i open my eyes coz you might be thinking of someone else already. But i know one thing for sure. We could never go back to that moment anymore.

We Met Again

You vanished before my very eyes. Leaving nothing but despair. I love you. I cried. U replied me after so long. I feel so tired. So heavy. Should i continue carrying? I dno. The wings of hatred is cleansed in your presence. I love you. The way we 1st held each other was in my mind. How much u changed. but i know i havnt. Nothing's gonna change my love for you. One thing you can be sure of, I nvr asked for more than your love. mayb my expectations of you were to high. Im sorry. I love you. its my fault but i rily ..... never did let go of you

Came Back

Sad. The only thing that came into my mind as I reached home. I din say another word. I din care. I drank. I never tot that NS was better. I hate this feeling. Will all be okay tmr? I..... hate... I scream. I gave away. Can someone shoot me now? I wanna go back NS. But moreover i wanna go back skul and clear things up.

Let the grief in your heart spread like a flower. Sadness
shall fall like thunder