Life is good

Tired... but happy for being tired. Working makes one numb. I dismantled a metal shelf that Uncle Richie asked me too. He shorten it up. I learned many things 2day. I went to many places. It felt like Pastor David was right next to me again. Though not a specific care, but I begin to feel accepted there. I'll prove my worth while and see how things work out. I'd love to be a permanent kuli there. Nights.

Working

Sorry Uncle Richie and Aunt Susan. I know i can't do much but move stuff. So please do order me around more. I'll try not to c avatar during breaks. Haih.... Salary will be nice but i really dont need it. Well... the washing machine really stinked man. One day I'll come over and help you rearrange evrything. I promise.

Back to the illusion. After Avatar: The Last Air Bender, it'll be Digimon. I dont care. Nights

Feeble and Foolish

When the sun comes down, we rise.
When the moon is covered by his light, we hide
We aren't the dark or the light
We chose dark but inside of us we are bright.
This is us
Emo.
Understand us, not judge us.
We didnt chose this
IT chose us.
It isnt just a personality
Its a way of life.
Its a type of power that keeps us going.
I bet you will never understand.
What do you know about losing?
You dont. 3AM???!! OMFG NIGHTS

Advice

Looking at albums again. Wanted to find another past. I smiled back then. With my father's friends. Drinking. While the their kids were running around like children. I was drinking. Mom took a photo of that side of me. I smiled. I was happy. I doubt that was me. I wanna find that happiness again. But... I discarded you. And so.. this is how another year will end. A new start? or will I drown in another despair in college. I dno. One friend of mine said.

"Dun look back, it has past us; Dun worry, it's not here yet"

He was dead serious. He wanted me to change my look, my personality, my life. Another said

"The more you intake bitter, the more bitter you get"

I wonder how much of that is true. I guess I'm living proof. As a closure, i will like you to stop this. Live your life. Don't come here. Or else... I won't be able to move on as well. Let me close the door once again.

You live in the light, I live in the dark

But I love you

lately

Awake and missing you as the rain began to shower within my heart. The way you move your fingers across my body was indescribable. The warmth the you gave is imcomprehensible. I loved you. That's all there is to it. Genting wasn't fun cause I was alone inside. Was forced to ride rides and had to beg to go home. Had to c happy couples walking by with hands clinging on each other. I envy people who can be happy. An inescapable fact. Seeing avatar without you by my side was sadder. It was dark and i wanted you. I missed you the whole trip. Beer was RM6.50 up there but to forget you even for a little while, I'm willing to pay. Christmas was okay. At least Liang's singing was nice and groovy at the church presentation. In the end, I had to spend my christmas night drinking sparkling juice with dad == This new laptop I'm using is going back to the shops. I slapped my brother til he nosebled for using it. Maybe it was all that pressure. I let it all out on him. I dun rerget. I just....... Hate myself. Looking upon the past, it hurts. Wish it was a snowing night.

My Heart Sank

那夜之后，我的世界变得黑白了
寝食不安，但也难免了
想回到过去，瞬间抱你在怀里
但我是否有那种资格
”我们的爱过了，真的不会再回来“
我每晚就这样折磨自己的心灵
但是你知道吗？我想你知道
我的怨恨，我的眼泪，我的世界
这是我的一切
这是你离开我以后的地狱
一旦独自，就直乱想东西
我想你知道，却不想让你看到
我这狼狈的一面


时间停顿了，我被困锁在“回忆”的监狱里。

Confused in this Run

Can't focus.... My body is still puzzled about what to do.
I'm trembling.... I can't stop even if I try to control myself.
"Although neither the sun nor the moon are on my side, I've no choice but to try,"
Those were the words I muttered to myself.

The odds aren't on my side, but running away would be gutless.
Even if I can't see the future, I'll just have to win it over with courage.
Need to keep distance from the target as I hold myself back.
All that's needed for victory is the pride to win.

Will I celebrate with the wine of victory?
Or will I end up kissing their feet in defeat?
There are two outcomes in everything. But still
I wanna control destiny.

I need to seize these Golden Times, I'll grab it with these hands
I'll finish it up with my best poker face
Drag us all into that world of illusion

I'll find my way out of this endless pressure game
And leap over the border line of honor
HOW MANY? HOW MANY MORE DO I NEED TO PAY?
What is that one thing I dowana let go?

Proof is stronger than an argument
And basically you win if you produce the results
Silence is forbidden and it'll all be revealed as time goes by
Sharpening my senses, and reading the flow meticulously
I'll decipher the percentage of my winning chances with my game senses
Is that silhouette the Devil?
"If you're a man then act like one and face your defeat with grace"

A smile like that of a Goddess
I'm possessed by your charm
You invite me deeper as I fall
A greed that has taken over my heart
And a dream that won't stop growing
No one can stop me
Bask in the glory of the sunlight atop the babel tower

I tot I could reach you

But now its impossible

E for emo.

I'm so tired. Alwiz waiting for things that nvr come. Having false Hope. So naive.... and when the time comes i get crushed yet i keep finding myself new hope. How gullable. Time and Time again. I find Khalifah. But i dno why... they couldnt be a permanent Nabi for me. As i close for 2day, i decided single til 25. or may older

When the going gets tough.

Memory erasure at 78%. Not for long i will be free from this cursed place and into another society in which will be better or worse. I had longed for this but ..... Discontentment. Why am i feeling this right now. Screw IT

SPM

I wonder how many more things am i gonna screw up in the coming days. Studying was my only forte so far but i guess i'm good for nothing after all. The world seems so lonely lately. The world seems go dull. Black & White is what i see thru my eyes. Once a colorful Mosaic in front of you. Now.... The feeling of disgust lingers. I await for a new......

Seriously?

LOL..... I hate emo but emo loves me. i hate loneliness but loneliness loves me. I pray for greed to be satisfied and yet i nvr get anything. I hate myself. =D Do you hate me too? Can you join me in this nvr ending hatred? I hate you. hate me pls.

Sorry? Thank you.

bye =]

=D

Shoud i?

Hmmmm..... She says i should, He says i could, but they say wait for time to show its fruit. Can I wait? Can she wait? Am i play? Is she play? 0.0 at any rate, nothing can be done right now but study. == A+ seems like an unreachable place..... nights

Birth by Sleep

Wounds cannot be healed if you get lost in the darkness,
No matter what, we are unable to join our hands like before.
I am counting the days of my birth.
Recording, Writing, Remembering every detail.
I didn't wanna forget those happy moments with you.
But with you, the story just ends like that.
I want a sequel.

Time to Live

There's always a time at a point where u wanna stop by and look back... I'm looking too long ==

Soap is oily. Vinegar can produce something sweet smelling. Condom is made from chewing gum. Worm turn purple in the presence of sodium hydroxide. I loved my life.

Listen to WHAT?

These feelings i have wont go away,
It's so parasitically stubborn
The trust i had i lost
The faith in loving and living.
When can i let go. Through a new person? I.....

Kindness is the Spring Wind that melts the Ice Heart

by Sakurano Kurimu

1000%

I thought that it was a much farther place...
it's an unreachable, empty dream.
Even any small light goes unseen,
for me to be even just a little closer to you...

The courage deep in my heart... Tears through the darkness.
They sever the doubt, these white wings.
Should you seem to stop in your tracks, I'll look now,
at this smiling face, and let my heart take it in.

This life, even if i lose it...I will still protect you!
I don’t want to always be protected! I want to protect, too!

In the shadows, a devil protects a human ==

With harem end everyone is happy!

by Sugisaki Ken

Darker than Black

The unending darkness that shrouds your heart,
The man holds on to a false belief that things will change,
He smiles nonchalantly as if he doesn't care anymore,
The truth is nothing changed.

He kills, but he's the one that's hurt

"When will the pain end?" he asks as he stabs another person again and again .
The man stood again..... The unending darkness. Darker than black

LOL

Hooked up onto digimon. (dun ask why)
Sora no Otoshimono is defintely a must see (XD)
Spm is a little gap away (who cares)
shana 3 isnt out yet == (haih)
Im bored and not that emo (=D)

The memories which i sworn to never forget are slowly fading away. No matter how strong u hold the things dear to you, they always slip through the gaps between your fingertips


But all u need is a little something new to get your spirits up again X)

False Hope

A lot of disappointment on me. A lot of hatred from me.
A lot of betrayal on me. A lot of distrust from me.
A lot of chaos on me. A lot of trouble for me.
But yet a little false hope on me. A lot of hurt for me

Neutrality

This feeble thought doesn't exist. In reality, everyone is bias towards something they treasure, like or feel attracted. There's no such thing as a "decision made thru rationality". Every aspect counts as a factor. However they lie. Saying that it was the best choice. MY FOOT!!!

Conclusion: The world is always unfair, bias and sohai. So we gotta wipe our own asses. Signing out. SPM

No Chance, No way

Shud this be another of God's game on me?
She knows. Well.... I think that she knows.
I stopped and think to myself. Impossible lar ==
But my cravings are completely on despo level

If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No girl is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip. Urgh!!!
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

No More

Trying to be some one you're not,
Why?
Staying as you are. Suspending the present time.
Why do people have to change?
People have this interior desire of wanting love.
No one can deny that.
What people have been doing all this time was just for that simple reason
Love.....

But to me i need it no more. Start the watch.
Re:member X
Re:decide √
Re:miniscence X
Re:store √
Re:trace X

Re:make √

After All, I am Dead

Still mad? Dont blame ya. Dog you say. Interesting choice of vocab. A very ironic thing. I had to become you to take revenge. I had to become a dog. Well now... U can act all calm and cool and put a bloody "XD" at the end of every sentence. It dont change nothing. You think you win? Yeah. This round alright. We'll meet again on the battle ground called society. Good luck.

I await the day we see each other in the future. Will this feeling entangle you? Interesting test subject

Drunk In This Illusion, In This World

this world is alwiz full with miscreants
we befriend, we betray, we talk, we fight
In the end, i tot we could both..... Settle down.
hahahaha..... When will the 5 of us be able to stop fighting and sit down
I wonder this evry night.
I am the cause, i started it, I end it.
I wonder where we'll be after 10 years or so.
meet on the streets, i the beggar. u the passerby
hm? will you recognize me with my unshaved beard?
will i just be a memory.
Erase me.... thank you

Alone by Outsider

Is there anyone to heal my wounds
If I leave it alone, it's going to continually get worse
I'm really scared of love and people
I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of being forgotten

Always a loner, I close the door to my heart
Bearing my sadness on my back, I live like a fool
I close my eyes and cover my ears
I lock myself in the gloomy darkness

365 days, all year long, I wander
Jack Sparrow holds the rudder, chasing my spirit
The raging hurricane, tightening my belt
A rapper who forfeited his orientation and lost his way
I fight again with the other me who's hiding inside me

When she left, she told me
'Even when you're next to me, it's like you're not there"
A blade-like love that brushes off when you touch it
It was a cold love where my heart froze over

Living for one minute or one second is not considered living
I fear every single day
Someone! Pull me out!!

When I faced our farewell that came without warning,
Afraid that I'd be alone again, I ignored it
The past times that I yearn for even in my dreams
Hoping for those times to return to me, with an earnest heart
I prayed every night

The arrow of memories that pulled the bowstring and left my hand
It flies endlessly towards the far target
I'm asking you to come back to me, to hold onto my hand
No matter how many times I call you, though I endlessly shout for you
There's no response from you

In my memories, no matter how much I struggle to erase your existence
Every night, in my dreams,
She appears, wiping away my falling tears
What should I do? Say that everything is ok?
Lie to myself? I can't take this anymore!

When it hurts, I hurt too. When it's sad, I'm sad too
My frozen heart keeps accusing me
Really, it's the end. Really, I'm okay.
The tears that i've held in keeps pouring down on me

Aftershock?

I arose and went. I wanna forget. Again and again. I wished that 2009 didn't suck as much but here I am writing this post. God. Is this your way of judgment? I despise this part about you. You plan everything for me, thinking i will always be the best choice or what-so-ever. I will do my best. Going against all. The way of solitude. I am prepared. I wasn't given much of a choice anyway. So.... Shut up and die. I loathe you. Even if our paths shall cross, it will only symbolize a new thing. You.... have gave up too.

The most fearful betrayal is the one that is unpredictable

Easy She Comes, Easy She Goes

Don't worry. I'm gone in a few months anyway. Byebye

Done

Yeah... I'm done. The total negative climaks of life. Down the negative gradient. This is what happens when u leave ur station. The pearl was right. Im doomned to be like this forever. So.... i dun blame anyone but myself.

RM120

=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D

Shall we begin this endless reign,
this meaningless pain or what u tot u gain.
Throw it away for evrything u did was in vain,
Start over, try not to substain.

I will take all the shame,
For i am the one to blame.
I am no longer the same,
So let me now end it this game.

=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D

I Regret No More

I cannot go on like this, the sight i killing me. The tot is hurting me. I wouldnt wanna resort to use this. but i guess the situation isnt gonna change if i dont. Forgive me. I'm a liar. And this is my well deserve punishment. The will is set. The letter. Signed and sealed. There's no turning back. That. was what i decided. The End for a New beginning to rise. Goodbye.

Despair shroudes me from my destructive past. Time to Die

Sunny Day

Who'd ever thought that i would see this day....
Where i would see my LIBRARY life fade away...
Cos i was lost and couldn't find a way...
and now i look forward to every day....(welcome to my sunny day)...
BOOKS dont stop always stayed hot...
No matter how the seasons got..
I still remember when they took me away....
Kept it on lock den i got cuaght den i realised dat i had to stop...
Den i took the time to explore a better way...

Searched high and low, so close, yet so far to go...
i just know, theres a sunny day

Who'd ever thought that i would see this day....
Where i would see my LIBRARY life fade away...
Cos i was lost and couldn't find a way...
and now i look forward to every day....

Welcome to my sunny day...
my sunny day...
everyday....
a better day...
Welcome to my sunny day...
my sunny day....
every day...
a better day...
welcome to my sunny day...

(Wyclef Jean)
I was born in the LIBRARY, raised in the LIBRARY.
saw my first CUTIE in the LIBRARY.
I got my first kiss in the LIBRARY.
playing hide and go seek,
with the girls in the LIBRARY
I GOT my first ENEMY in the LIBRARY
Yo *** ***** can i get a date on friday-ay-ay,
its hard for me to let go, life in the LIBRARY
the night it blessed my FRIENDS THAT I SEE.
i had to find a way out of the LIBRARY
picked up the DOTA and
started to singin in the LIBRARY
haters used to hate in the LIBRARY,
said i never would made it out of the LIBRARY
i guess thats why my FRIENDS sold to SOMEBODY.
even though hanny said the
sun come out tomorrow.
But the LIBRARY stayed dark,
i never thought i ever see the NORMAL LIFE AGAIN.

Been a long day...
on my way to my holy place to pray...
Give thanks for every blessing given to me...
I know theres more to see...more to me...no more living in misery...
Cos this is how i visioned life to beee.....

Searched high and low, so close, yet so far to go...
i just know, theres a sunny day

Who'd ever thought that i would see this day....
Where i would see my LIBRARY life fade away...
Cos i was lost and couldn't find a way...
and now i look forward to every day....

Welcome to my sunny day...
my sunny day...
everyday....
a better day...
Welcome to my sunny day...
my sunny day....
every day...
a better day...
welcome to my sunny day...

I love hatred

let all hatred be focused on me. Hate me. I feed on thy hatred. I love to c that pissed off face. Fuck me up. "Isn't that supposed to be hurtful....?" LOL.... I've been thru much. HURT? U aint seen nth yet. Leave me be. Let me become the next you. I will give up evrything. Everything. To make u suffer what i've been thru. Indulging in this feeling you gave me. Its called. Hatred. And it came from within the very depths of your heart.

In the Mode

i think... i think... i think..... wat the fuck lar. dun think anymore. But the troubles just come to me. Out of the hot pot and into the refrigerator. "Lets work together?" Very funny. We'll just go on wif our lives like this. I think u oso will like that. Guess what. I din do much to make u suffer. U dug ur own grave. U knocked off ur own crown. My resolve nvr changed. I hate you.

Irreplacable

Royale flush. How wish the 5 of us could sit down and eat at one table wif laughters once again. And yet.... We cannot anymore. The End. The static fullstop that wouldn't change. So i changed. Or that's what i've been told. Mayb i have. I dno anymore. But if i rily did. I dun regret. This is just a part of my life. Been thru so many, so i cant walk back now. I climbed over so many things to get up here. Just to c the scenary. But soon.... I found out about the lives i destroyed. I laughed. It's a curse. A curse from the so-called God. I..... can oni destroy. So i stand as of now. Right here. To continue. This feeble yet hopeful life. New start? No.... just continuing on. With a mindset that what's done is done. nth can be helped about it. Will thank The Ng's. I'm sorry that i wasnt myself. I promise.......... i will rise from the dark once more. But this time stronger than the current me. Not to be offended by some hairy dude. I've discarded frenz. Go on. mock me..... I dun care what ppl think about me. I oni think about the future now. It's the last ounce of kindness. Goodnight. Enjoy the endless illusion i gave you.

Irresponsible

Lost everything. Everything i ever treasured. Nvr gonna do anything bout this again. The next time.... There will be no next time

It's Over

Just when u think life can't pull u dowan any longer, it just did. Why do these things just keep on coming. No matter how i try, you wouldnt understand. Why would u think i dislike the current relationship we are having. I love you. But....... I guess u dun anyway. So funny. I knew i suck at evrything. When i met you. I told myself i cant screw this up too. But then..... U juz slipped thru the my life like water thru paper. No matter how hardly u grasp onto the things u hold dear, they alwiz slip thru the gaps between your fingers. Its over...

We've run out of words we've run out of time
We've run out of reasons really why we together
We both know it's over baby bottom line
It's best we don't even talk at all

Don't call me even if I should cross your mind
Hard enough I don't need to hear your voice on my messages
Let's just call it quits it's probably better
So if I'm not returning your calls it's 'cause

'Cause I'm not comin' back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not anymore
I got the picture phone but baby your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed

'Cause it's over
Girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over

I still wake up every morning quarter to ten
I still eat my cereal right at the kitchen table
I can't even remember how long it's been
No trouble stayin' occupied

Oh they ask about you whenever I come around
I do what I can not to put my business in the streets
Last thing I need's another episode
Keep conversation short and sweet because

'Cause I'm not comin' back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not anymore
I got the picture phone baby your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed

'Cause it's over
Girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause baby it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over

You know that it's over when the burnin'
And the yearnin' inside your heart ain't there anymore
And you know that you're through when she don't do to you
And move you like the way she moved ya before

And you wanna pull her close
But your heart has froze
You kiss her but her eyes don't close
Then she goes out of your heart forever
And it hurts you but you know that it's better

Girl you know it's over
Girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over
'Cause it's over
Girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over

Is This Karma?

Time flew so fast, and so did you
not long before we could juz smile
but now none of those were true.
And so i gazed up upon the blue.
Screamed and shouted a big "F*** YOU" =p

True Tears

The wish that I saved won’t come true,
so I start to walk while singing.

To the feelings left behind,
the cold rain continued to fall on them.

“I want to forget”, “I don’t want to forget”
I waver as I purposely ask
my depressed heart about you.
I’m tellin’ a lie.

For that reason, there’s no “us”.
even though we treasured it.
I want to ask…
If we talked about anything right now,
will this change?

Since I believe you’re tired of hearing excuses,
let’s make a new promise abut anything.

Even if I were to whisper to your leaving figure,
it won’t reach you.

“Will you teach me?” “You won’t teach me…”
My silky hair waves in the wind.
However, my secret is that someday into you
I’ll preset my love.

However, this love won’t disappear from my heart,
you regrettably left it here.
However…
it’s big enough to break me,
so I’ll rather not have
this unmeasurable pain.

However, this love won’t disappear from my heart,
you regrettably left it here.
However…
it became so big and scary
that my heart throbs.
For that reason, there’s no “us”.
even though we treasured it.
I want to ask…
If we talked about anything right now,
will this change?

Insignificant post. Don't bother

Reply:

I wish you would really be a nobody in my life. Every time I just walk by and ignore your existence. It really felt like: "should i do this?" or "what does she think?" or i might even have "gives u hell" by American Rejects ringing in my head. You know what? I dun care what u think anymore. I think that... well..... Its NOT wrong being selfish once in a life time. And here i am. =] living peacefully.... (except for that incident which caused havoc in my chatbox). What I'm trying to say is.... You are hereby disbanded from the daughters thing. U.... Are free. I've just blocked you. And deleted ur contact after that msg. And now its settled. You are now nothing to me. X]

END
(NOTE: NON-RELATED TO THE CHAT BOX THING / PREVIOUS POST)

Sucks

i dowana slp... i just dowana. coz when i wake up.... I noe its another day for to start missing u. EUGENE POH!!!! *slaps ownself* get a hold of urself. *bang wall* The war is gonna end. Few more months and i'm free from this chains that shackle me. Few more months and i'm gonna get away from u. And guess what... by that time I'm not missing you~~~~ *snores*

Blisters on Bastards

I did it again. Walking to ur hse. But i think its the last time i'll ever do it. The decision u made, made me decide as well... We were never meant to be. Even so. I stil clinged onto that slight hope. Hahaha... NAIVETY. I hate it. And so i left something behind while i was in the neighbourhood. I'm not gonna say much. Just that the barking dogs stil ring thru my head. Just that my feet stil feel the tar cover roads piercing thru my feet. The more i walked, The more painful it gets. Guess its just like love... And so i tell myself. No more. If i were to come by here again, i would repeat the same thing i did 2day. and so be it... I left my heart in front of ur yard where i did my moral project at. And I'm not claiming it back... Keep it or throw it.

This is wat i left. Yes. Its my sock. Few similarities wif my heart. Both are broken. And couldnt let go of them until i considered over and over again
And so my journey began
Hm... NO BLISTERS????!!!! O.0 fine.... =.=

Only you?

I try, i try, i always try,
but why does it always make me sigh.
I thought what i did could make you understand,
but nothing changed, just like the grains of sand.

Bet you don't even know I'm hurt,
never know how many puddles of blood have i splattered.
For you, my friend, my daughter or my love.
I'm confused over all of the relationships above.

But I clearly see,
One feeble memory.
Of you and him together,
the tot of it just brought up my anger.

Well.... Who am i to blame,
Coz if u rily like him there's no reason for this burning flame.
But I wish u would come clean and tell me,
not hide it like ur relatioship wif de previous 'he'

If u rily do like, love and wanna spend more time wif him,
then i propose its best for us to keep our relationship dim.
Its for the best
also to release this stress on my chest

B4 this i couldn't clearly c,
But now i noe u're no longer the old *********

One mistake

Can't we break this chain of hatred?

No.. Please.... I beg you

I'm sorry. I noe what i did to you was horrible and inhuman. Even i cannot forgive myself for doing dat to you. But... It just happen to happened. Mixed feelings of regret and sorrow dwells within me. I could not explain. I guess i dont have the right to explain anyway. Even if we cannot be frenz again. I wish u could juz set me free. this post is dedicated to you. My fren. I'm sorry. And i understand if u did what u have too. But i juz hope for dat slim chance dat u will forgive me. For what i did. My future. Is in your hands.

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The pain of your heart is nth compared to the teeth marks on my hand.

To A Fren i Lost,
Carmen.

Every aspect of death

Loneliness | Sacrifice | Nihilism
Destruction | Despair | Madness
Intoxication| Greed |Rage

It was by then i realized that i was filled with hatred more than anything i ever felt. I was tormented by guilt, convinced that I'd done something wrong. When people get hurt, they learn to hate. When people hurt others, they become hated and are racked by guilt. I was alone at 1st. I felt nothing. But then two people came into my life. Simultaneously. Different yet special in their very own way. It didn't take long for me to notice. I couldn't let this affection 2wards them be like this. Loving two people is just wrong beyond reason. I had to choose. If not. It would be like hugging a person while thinking of the other. The situation drove me into madness. Total madness from within. Or was it greed from wanting both of them. I do not know. but i know i had to sacrifice someone. I could accept either kindness or i would be too intoxicated, indulged in this sweet world. Its not healthy in taking the sweet. The madness destroying me from within, made me wanted to kill, to destroy everyone. A Hyde was manifested from within, carved from hatred, reinforced by madness. And now undergoing the lust to destroy everyone whom stands in his way. Even if it means standing against the authorities, even if it means committing nihilism. Going against the law, rebelling, protesting, using people rights as my reasons. I shall unleash the rage trapped within me........ And yet i rethink bout the stuff that will happen. It just lead to this total despair .that. Is what brought me to this conclusion. I will break them both. i dun care if it shatters my heart as well... IT. has been decided

Heaven / Hell

For does who noe dat i ended this blog, this is juz a place where i put things i cannot in my PM. A place where i put short quotes. My quotes. Or jus some lame poems i can think of. So its boring. Secara konklusinya, dun come to this blog again. Or prepared to be emo and bored.


When i couldn't play two piano's at once, i broke them both.
Stupid drugs. Just made me wanna take dose after dose.
Only after i lost both, only that i see.
That til now i couldnt choose, they are both dear to me.

So now i bid them farewell, for i broke them both,
They are the drugs alright. Dose after dose.



I stil c ur blog. Dno whether u stil c mine too. i noe its hard. but think of the bright side. He's better. and i'm juz a sohai. my presence will oni make u more agitated. but my absence will make evrything better. So.....Lets turn back the pendulum. and break the chain of memories that link us together.

The End

Its been fun blogging. When u started it dat is.... okay... and so the orchestra has ended, the band dismantled, the last piece of the puzzle has been placed.

THE END!!! (;

Neither dawn nor dusk, I walk the way of the Twilight.

i shall officially let my blog rot....... i cant freaking get used to form5. I'm serious man. go ahead and laugh but dats a fact lar man..... i seriously stressed out here. The teachers are like wanting us to feel stresed. Gah... ESPECIALLY lim yoke keng aka KENG JIE. LOL i dowan to tok more bout my life. Too many ups and downs. And now i'm gonna let myself drown in the pain i created for myself... i hate this feeling. get out of my F***ing mind.... LOVE IS ALWAYS A LIE. dats y i'll never fall in love again =] but this feeling URGH!!!! note to self: "without you" by hinder is the new "so what"

okay end story.

NOTE: THIS POST IS JUST CRAP, CRAP AND MORE CRAP. i just want people who view this blog to know. I'M NOT GONNA BLOG UNTIL I HAVE FAITH DAT I CAN SCORE IN SPM =]

EXTRA NOTE: ITS 8.30PM. I only got 3 pages of my chemistry folio done. Hahahah XP the below is my marks for the 1st term. I'll getting 2nd in class. AGAIN.

BM: <-----
BC: <---- I havnt get. but i noe i wont score =.=
BI: <-----
SJ: 58
PM: 66
FZ: 64
KM: 77
AK: 93
AM: 79
MM: 95
X]

All the tags bundled up in one post again....=.=

1. Louise Tan
2. Nen Lin
3. Huey Wen
4. Stephanie Loo
5. Ru Jun
6. Justin Choong
7. Wei Ling
8. Raymond Lai
9. Hui Teng
10. Jia ler

1st:
Instructions:
Fill 10 spots with the people you wanna tag. If you ran out of people use characters from movies, books or made-up ones to fill the spots.

1) 4(Stephanie) invites 3(Huey Wen) and 8 (Ray) to dinner at their house. What happens?
=.=lol. if Steph invites Huey Wen its normal. but Ray???!!! =.=

2) 9 (Hui Teng) tries to get 5 (Ru Jun) into a strip club.
=.= byk lame lar.... like dat will happen...

3) You need to stay in a friend's house for a night. Who will you choose, 1 (Louise)or 6 (Justin)?
Both also can. =D

4) 2 (Nen Lin)and 7 (Wei Ling)are making out, 10 (Jia Ler)walks in. What happens?
He'll be super high gay and hide in corner to watch.....XD

5) 3 (Huey Wen) fall's in love with 6 (Justin), 8 (Raymond) is jealous. What happens?
Well... Justin so yeng.. not surprised. Huey Wen so leng lui, if Ray like i oso no comment....

6) 4 (Stephanie) jumps to you in a dark alleyway, who saves you? 2 (Nen Lin),7 (Wei Ling), or 10 (Jia Ler)?
Steph jump to me? No assistance needed. I'll just hug her....X]

7) 1 (Louise) starts her cooking show. 15 minutes later what is happening?
EVERYONE TAKE COVER!!!! SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!

8) 3 (Huey Wen) has to marry 8 (Ray),4 (Steph) or 9 (Hui Teng). Who will they choose?
Hm... let me think... neither? She will oni give her heart to LEEHOM XD><

9) 7 (Wei Ling) kipnaps 2 (Nen Lin)and demands something from 5 (Ru Jun)for 2's freedom.
wtf.... ling wont do dat... and ru jun has nth to give...XD

10) Everyone gangs up on 3 (Huey Wen), does 3 has a chance in hell?
=.= of course she got chance go there/ heaven lar. Someone save her lar....

11) Everyone is invited for 2 (Nen Lin) and 10 (Jia Ler)wedding except 8 (Raymond), how does 8 react?
He'll come in at the last moment to shout out:"I OBJECT!!!".... And then say:" woops... wrong wedding" =.=

12) Why is 6 (Justin) afraid of 7 (Wei Ling ) ?
Not possible... both oso nice people.

13) 1 (Louise) is late for 2 (Nen Lin)and 10's (Jia Ler) wedding. Why is that?
Well.... She's alwiz fashionably late.

14) 5 (Ru Jun)and 9 (Hui Teng) are drunk at your house. What happens?
You know~~~ I am a growing boy with raging hormones~~ ^^

15) 9 (Hui Teng)murders 2's (Nen Lin) best friend. What is 2 revenge on 9?
Kill her friends too?

16) 1 (Louise) and 6 (Justin) are in mortal danger. Does 6 save her/himself or 1?
Justin is a man lar. He definitely save louise then himself

17) 8 (Ray) and 3 (Huey Wen) go camping and for some reason they forget to bring any food. What will they do?
Cannibalize themselves. EAT EACH OTHER!!!!

18) 5 (Ru Jun) is in a car crash and is injured. What does 9 (Hui Teng)do?
Ah Teng... dun sai hei lar. U so small... let me do lar...lol

2nd:
Directions:
Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose five people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave a comment (''You're tagged!'') and to read your blog, you can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me, let me know when you've posted your blog, so I can see your weirdness.

Fact One : I have eight daughters. And their love for me decreases by the minute

Fact Two : I'm tired of life, but the oni thing keeping me going is you girls....

Fact Three : My family is screwed up

Fact Four : My class had good teachers but noob students

Fact Five : I love fish and banana

Fact Six : Drinkin keeps my mind off stuff

Fact Seven : I love my phone... alwiz will. =D

Fact Eight : Anime.... is stil love it... but my connection sux lar.... help me jian T_T

Fact Nine : My hair..... MY HAIR!!!!!! grrrr.....gone...all gone....T_T

Fact Ten : Kingdom hearts rocks... for those who got PS2.. PLAY IT!!!

Fact Eleven : Workin on my cookin..

Fact Twelve : LPS was my life... was....

Fact Thirteen : Royal Flush is fallin apart

Fact fourteen : 11A's seems so far away....

Fact Fifteen : Graduation is just months away.....

Fact Sixteen : I love to counsel u guys... Tell me anythin u want to....=]


3rd:
1. If you can rename yourself, which name would you choose?
- I'll never rename myself man

2. If you can be reborned as anything at all, what will you choose to be?
- Hm... I would wanna be a bird dat soars thru the skies

3. If you had a choice, what era do you choose to live in?
- I want to live in the era where samurais still existed in Japan just like how ru jun said she liked it.... Where speed and brain are the key to success.

4. If you can swap bodies with anyone for a day, who would that be?

- Ru Jun.... Cause i wanna noe what it's like being a normal girl who thinks so openly and has such a lame view bout this world

5. If you could possess someone’s ability and personality, who would that be?

- I want to be confident of who I am, like....... like Ace. I want to be happy-go-lucky, like him. I want to be sly and happy. Is that a lot to ask?

6. If you only can have one of these two abilities, that is, to be able to love, but hated by others; or to be able to hate, but loved by others, which would you rather choose?

- to be able to hate, but loved by others

7. If you could have something you don’t have [and impossible to have too], what will you want?
- I want the world's collection of anime to be at my fingertips. MUAHAHAHA.... and oso the power to instil fear into people's heart

Why

Why.... Why... Why....
Why do people hate people, when they know what it's like to be hated
Why do people feel happy, when they know happiness is temporary
Why do people need to feel sad when others dun care anymore
Why do people quarrel, when they know that no good comes from it
Why do people wanna be perfect when they know that it's impossible
Why do people think but not do
Why do people fight but not know wat its like to be punched
Why do people insult but dno wat is like to be insulted
Why do people boast themselves when they know that its nothing big
Why do people blame others but not check their own dirty hands
Why do people steal but not willing others to steal from you
Why do people kill but not one to be the one to be murdered
Why do people fall in love but set eyes on other people
Why do people have crushes when they know it'll never work out
Why do people have hope when they should know that it's false
Why do people stil trust when there's no one else you can rily trust
Why do people miss friends when they know they wont come back
Why do people feel disappointed when they should know not to expect
Why do people stil continue when they can't at all


Why do people try so hard.......... Why....... And most of all... Why tmr need go back skulllll!!!!! =.= haih... i wanna slp but i cant and i dno why. Just been thinkin a lot this holiday bcoz of the free time. Thinkin bout how suckish 2008 was. there were good times. yes. but most of the time. I have bad memories. I've decided. A new year, a new beginning. I'm gonna throw away my past, lookin 4ward. Living my days for only comfort. Coz we nvr noe wat will happen to us in the next second. People coming and going in our lives. The inablility to get wat we want, to change the situations that are bloody frustrating. There's no point to be overwhelmed by these God-forsaken feelings. Coz feelings are like hindraces. Alwiz holding me back in life. And in this new year i wont ever let it get in my way again. Im giving it all out. Good bye my feelings.... Cause right as of now. u'll be gone from my life. Few minutes b4 the day i go back to hell. haih... i wonder what it'll be like to go back..... Well... no use thinkin bout dat right now. Goodnight. *yawns*

Klobber the pigs lar

Sry din put this post up b4 the "Why" post... Its bout stuff before and during my trip to Ipoh lar. Not my hometown. Just on vacation wif my family and my cousins family. Erm.... mother's sister's son=] damn yeng lar he.... go ipoh oso bring laptop full of anime for me.... I'll let the pics do the talkin. Photographer: me and my noob sis....

Why is it just pigs on the new leh....=.=
Lol... they scared we commit suicide izit...
At bus-stop, saw this guy changing car tyre.......
Freaking nice car weih.....
Rental these days...
A present for luilui, congrats for 8A....=]

I've been a nooob cam whore latelyCame back from church
Uniform... So nostalgic...


Last few days with my hair lar.... Spare me lar

Okay go cousin hse 1st then oni go Ipoh...
My cousin. He's tryin to act emo.....=.=
Noob hotel lar.... Should take this away and put swimming pool....XD
1st thing they do is set up laptop to c anime.... the one on the left is younger sister lar... not gf...=.=
XP
A day closer to the day i have to cut my hair.Next day went waterpark.
The one sitting, Uncle Tommeng (Cousin's Dad) [Left] and Uncle Terence (My Dad) [Right]
Jianyi... my cousin's name.... call him jian oni....lol

At the waterpark there, my bro got himself scratched.... =.= i dno y or how
Ignore the boob...

Well.. After water park was HOT SPRINGS~!!!! XD
Eh... u cannot c oni... actuali got vapour coming out de
I rily tak mau say but both the water park and the hot spring got so many PIGS!!!!!=.=


Iguana on the run
oooo.....a ballooon
Crystal clear water manCoconut in hot springDno wat lai de...
Eggs, hot springs, are u thinkin what im thinkin... hehe
eh.... damn dumb lar... got sum bodoh kia go put plastic damn unhealthy man
hot.....
MMMMMMM.......
I think here got ten eggs...
got spoon lar...but we suck... no. literally.. we SUCK XD

shit... accidently gonna fall into that lava pit man.... the yellow thing was the caution sign... WAS the caution sign.....=.=

byk yu lar.... so after eat egg and soak in hot spring, we run fast fast...
we were going high speed thru a tunnel
omg.... either dat looked like shit or some place got bombed by Osama's descendants....

my bro damn charm lar...1st is boob got scar, now tore pants on the car.....
As big as a fist....
cousins table rily eat til veli little and too clean leh....
MY MOM LAR not sis.....=.=

Then we go eat dinner....lol
Poh family eating style. Non shall be left
Even my cousin oso stun.....lolWhy she like to act young leh..... =.=
lol... where do they get these things....even restaurant oso got man...
ok... back to the food... =DI Know lar... I eat so disgustingly....LOL but i tell you arh.... the seafood damn fresh weih...
Let u c sumtin
this is see ham... the one u put in the chao goey tiao. or at least it tastes like one
OMFG.... GOT HERMIT CRAB.....My bro dun believe cannot eat one....=..=
After dinner baru go home.....
Reach home jor lar....^^

Next day wake up at 8 in the mornin for this....

Yeap... the roof. Great place to drink.... XD
And we ended the day wif Carlsberg.... CHEERS!!! =D