Hollow

I wonder how empty can I be. I want to know. I don't want to feel anymore. I am always being toyed around like a stringed puppet. I hate this fate. I hate my family. I hate my college. I hate my love life. I hate my internet speed. I hate my contracted company. Sometimes, I wanna drink and drink and never wake up to these worries anymore. I want things simple. I want to live alone. I want a friend who understands what I am going through. I want a girl to caress me. I want a world where I can be me. I am so tired of putting up with facades, worrying and fretting over petty things. I wish I could see your smile again but my memories of you are fading further and deeper into the abyss of my empty, hollow self.


Truth is, I no longer possess the ability to love; Truth is, no one likes me as a friend; Truth is, I loved you but I cannot love you anymore; Truth is, I want love you but the situation tells me no.

Go away.

Can I leave this behind ? This piece of memory

2012

Tired of seeing posts about new year jokes or other people's so-called, strong resolves of changing. Every year end people make these dumb decisions to change. It's as stupid as making a lifetime schedule. You can change whenever you want. Why limit yourself? So you can tell the whole world the exact date you started changing if you succeed?

And countdowns.. Seriously? Countdown at malls? The crowd. The stench. The potential suffocation. The possibility of theft and/or kidnapping. The aftermath - traffic jam. Took a detour home. Pass by your house only to see your house pitch black with the living room lights on. I wonder whose house will I be waiting at yesterday night if I chose a different route 3 years ago.

I looked like this 3 years ago as I walked away from your house.

Happy that someone reopen her blog. Wish for your happiness down the road of 2012 too. Here's a song for you. Piano. Dull but its me. Dull.

Driving Away

I found peace. In my games =) WHY COULDN'T I SEE THIS SOONER? Gaming for this few weeks helped me to not think about a lot of things. But it is, of course, not enough. Class starting on the 4th of Jan. Twas' a stressful holiday. Taking of a baby and a big baby. Being able to drive didn't give me freedom at all. At least I could go out with a few of my friends during this holiday. There are times where I hope I can see you face once more. Stopping by your house like an idiot whenever I have the chance.


Finance Management is so gonna kill me next year. I am counting down the days of my doom. At any rate, I found out that I have yet to meet up with any of my college-mates. Maybe its because I could never view them as friends. They make me sick. People say everyone wears masks. In my eyes, they wear such ugly and obvious masks, it is degrades my view on them. Enough about things that make me sad. Here's a song that made me happy.

Things

Cameron Highlands first impression boring but chilly compared to Genting Highlands. Might find a day to go back up there if I have a PSP an a decent Wi-Fi spot to download my anime. Damn I need a PSP. Spent three days leeching of the lobby Wi-Fi made me feel damn bad but screw them, I need my daily dose. Really impressed by my cousin for putting up with me. I have hogged his PSP for straight three days to a point where I would mistakenly think it was mine ==

I want this

Grandfather fell and broke his wrist bone. Might not be able to drive in the near future. Currently anticipating an operation on his wrist to place metal slates on it, I think. I actually thought to myself in the past: "Would I panic or go nuts if I were to find out something real bad had happened?" Answer: I felt nothing. Empty as ever.

Repitition isn't Catchy

This always happen, doesn't it? I don't get it. Must I always fight, quarrel and leave every time I think to myself: "I found her." This must be another one of God's way to prank people. It's not that I am not sorry. I am just agitated. I am just angry at myself for not being someone good enough. People go about saying its okay, nobody is perfect anyway, everyone has flaws. I am different in a sense that my flaws outweigh my good points. I have always tried to make people happy in the past but I guess since I met that bastard. He changed my view of the world. Screw him, this post is about her not him.

I'm sorry. I always made things bad for you. It pains me on what you said to me that night. Those ringing words cut my heart like blade through butter. I lost another precious person in my life.