First In Still Here

One day , people will die and fade away.
One day , we will have to part with those we cherish.
Why bother in loving one when we know the effort is all in vain?
Why bother caring for one when God toys us as the mortals we are?
We have yet to understand the things that God decided
We just needed each other. A feeble desire
Loving one. What does it truly mean?
Does it mean a desire for someone to the extent that defies all known knowledge?
Does it mean a craving for touch and haptic sensuality?
Trying our best to obtaining warmth from each other?
No.
It's more than that. It's mare than just mortal wants
Love to me is more like a feeling for being accepted of who i am?
U accepted who i am. U gave me sudden reason in this messed up life.
U gave me a place to belong. Though temporarily yet beautiful as it always had been
Love.....
I long forgotten that feeling that runs through my blood.
I long forgotten the things that I really treasure the most.
I long forgotten you. The one i love....

Wish Upon A Star

I once was a naïve fool. I once asked for nothing but a living. And then vengeance took over me. I hate him. I hate my family. I hate my life. Everything about me was wrong. I made the biggest mistake ever. Right as of now, I thought I got over this matter. I thought all that I have been fighting for was meaningless. All but an illusion. But I couldn’t . I never gotten over the matter. History makes its final attempt to repeat itself. Sometimes I wonder to myself. Where did I do wrong? Why couldn’t I be more open? Why do I need to suffer bcoz of tiny mistakes? I ponder upon the answer while I look back onto the past. I think of you and him embracing love as it is. I sigh with a cup of beer in my hands. I cry with scent of alcohol in my sleep. I wished upon a star. Let me forget the days we had. Let me stop thinking about the days we could have. Let me forget about everything. It’s for the best. Please let me rest. Why am I so stresssssssssssssssss? What does it take to escape you? Is death the only way of escaping? I do not know. Happy birthday and goodbye

Turn Off

everyone comes with baggage.
be it one as light as a pouch,
or deluxe doubles as heavy and complicated as malaysian politics.

i don't know how did u figure out that i get alot of stories from alot of ppl, but your story, to be honest, was one of the most complicated.
and one of the most unsolvable.

consider it the past, because it really is.

coming to college is a chance for a do over. an opportunity to start anew.
im not saying you should forget the past, but you can use it to your benefit.
it is not something that brings you down, it is what empowers your decision making in the future.

quoting from a friend of mine,
''People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories; diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere & though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers.''

but yet, the scars remind you that u should live better.
life, is all about choices.

sincerely,
the one that likes sitting onn the table.


thank you. this is the only usable advice i had so far
thank you

When my life caves in

The world is such fragile being. Humans are such feeble entities. We, living as one, cannot deny the fact that we were once naive enough to think that everything would be alright. Only through true despair may one truly understand the pain of living, the pain of having acquaintances leaving. The way you left me as my eyes were wet that night. I watched your back disappear into the horizon. The black-tar pavements pierce my feet. Your cold feelings pierce my heart. The way you took and they way i took. The person you chose and the person i chose. We...... no. I..... made the mistake of a lifetime. The downfall in my life. The pain that keeps my awake. The screams that remind me of the past. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE.... hatred devours my very conscience. the end.

June 28

today... was a real sad day.. i finished toradora! but that made it even sad. fuck it. another tear jerker. though i'm the only one who would cry over these trivial anime. Triangular Love drama. To c all of this while my dearest Cpu broke down. Relying on Laptop. Anyway.

The story of toradora goes like this. Guy A and Guy B are frenz. Girl A and Girl B are frenz. Girl A likes Guy B and Guy A likes Girl B. Girl A and Guy B know that they like each others frenz. So they promised not to reveal each others true intentions but at the same time helping each other to confess to the one they love. As time pass by, Girl A found out that Guy B already has someone he loves very much. Devastated by the fact, she fell into despair. but Guy A nvr gave up on Girl A and encouraged her to keep trying. That was when Girl A knew that all this while, the one who helped and supported her all the while wasnt Guy B, but Guy A. At this moment Girl A accidentally fell in love with Guy A but the story doesnt end there. Girl A is aware that Guy A loves Girl B very much. She keeps on smiling and supporting Guy A as he did for her, but it rily hurt her. Girl B found out Girl A's true feelings. and... when Guy A mustered all the courage to confess to Girl B, Girl B rejected Guy A . Girl B really loved Guy A too but she knew she couldnt just sacrifice her fren for love. Girl B gave up on love. she was afraid of getting hurt or hurting Girl A. Guy A was broken hearted after the rejection. Girl A got into a fight with Girl B, telling Girl B to be true to her feelings. Girl B gave a straight up reply:" but you're lying to yourself too, aren't you?" Girl A shouted:" YES!!! I'M THE BIGGEST LIAR!!! I'VE STAYING BY HIS SIDE ALL THIS TIME!!! SAYING 'go get her' TO HIM EVRYTIME BUT GETTING MYSELF HURT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I..I.. i love him.. . I LOVE HIM TOO!!!!" Guy A arrived at the moment, hearing evrything. Girl A ran ... and ran.. and ran.. Girl B pass by Guy A saying:" This is why i cannot accept your feelings. it's coz someone else loves you more than i could ever love you." Guy A shed a tear.... and started to chase after Girl A. Not knowing the pain Girl A has gone thru. Girl A slipped and fell into a shallow river. Guy A went down the river and tried to help her up but ended up slipping as well.. They laughed at each other and confessed to each other as well.. Kissing in the river as the sun sets. The end.

If i watched this anime as it was aired in 2008, i would have nvr understood its true meaning. The meaning of sacrificing. The meaning of love. I'm glad i'm watching it now.