Healing

I decided that I will try to blog at least once in a while but it seems that I have so much on my chest. Well.... I won't talk much. Here's a song I've been trying to not think about.

....and a picture of my cousin =)

Aging

In the course of life, the process of learning never seems to end. The bad part of learning is that we have to experience it, usually the hard way. There was once I saw a quote saying that:

"Why do you cry over the same pain over and over again when you are unable to laugh over the same joke over and over again?"

My answer to that is:

"Try hammering your fingers thrice and tell me whether the third time hurts or gives out nil sensations."

A lot of people make weak analogies in life and think that its very smart when someone agrees to them. Ignorant as they are, we have to befriend them. We have to accept the fact that everyone is different. We have to accept that part of them as their weakness and try to find their good points. The ability to do so is a friendship, surpassing mere acquaintanceship. The inability to do so [me] would often give rise to the misconception that the person is introvert. The fact is everyone is different, having the freedom to think whatever they want. The inability to accept that fact would result in arguments, conflicts and sometimes, war.

3 years ago when I waged war against my own world, I lost a lot of things. Ironically, I gave them all up in return for 10-years worth of experiences and events. I don't regret. No. I won't and I can't regret.

"You can't stop my ever-flowing hatred. You are powerless. Eugene Poh"

Hollow

I wonder how empty can I be. I want to know. I don't want to feel anymore. I am always being toyed around like a stringed puppet. I hate this fate. I hate my family. I hate my college. I hate my love life. I hate my internet speed. I hate my contracted company. Sometimes, I wanna drink and drink and never wake up to these worries anymore. I want things simple. I want to live alone. I want a friend who understands what I am going through. I want a girl to caress me. I want a world where I can be me. I am so tired of putting up with facades, worrying and fretting over petty things. I wish I could see your smile again but my memories of you are fading further and deeper into the abyss of my empty, hollow self.


Truth is, I no longer possess the ability to love; Truth is, no one likes me as a friend; Truth is, I loved you but I cannot love you anymore; Truth is, I want love you but the situation tells me no.

Go away.

Can I leave this behind ? This piece of memory

2012

Tired of seeing posts about new year jokes or other people's so-called, strong resolves of changing. Every year end people make these dumb decisions to change. It's as stupid as making a lifetime schedule. You can change whenever you want. Why limit yourself? So you can tell the whole world the exact date you started changing if you succeed?

And countdowns.. Seriously? Countdown at malls? The crowd. The stench. The potential suffocation. The possibility of theft and/or kidnapping. The aftermath - traffic jam. Took a detour home. Pass by your house only to see your house pitch black with the living room lights on. I wonder whose house will I be waiting at yesterday night if I chose a different route 3 years ago.

I looked like this 3 years ago as I walked away from your house.

Happy that someone reopen her blog. Wish for your happiness down the road of 2012 too. Here's a song for you. Piano. Dull but its me. Dull.

Driving Away

I found peace. In my games =) WHY COULDN'T I SEE THIS SOONER? Gaming for this few weeks helped me to not think about a lot of things. But it is, of course, not enough. Class starting on the 4th of Jan. Twas' a stressful holiday. Taking of a baby and a big baby. Being able to drive didn't give me freedom at all. At least I could go out with a few of my friends during this holiday. There are times where I hope I can see you face once more. Stopping by your house like an idiot whenever I have the chance.


Finance Management is so gonna kill me next year. I am counting down the days of my doom. At any rate, I found out that I have yet to meet up with any of my college-mates. Maybe its because I could never view them as friends. They make me sick. People say everyone wears masks. In my eyes, they wear such ugly and obvious masks, it is degrades my view on them. Enough about things that make me sad. Here's a song that made me happy.